a monologue

ape yg aku nak sbenarnye??
aku nak idop dgn aman damai, tenang.. dan gembira dgn ape yg aku ade skang.
kdg2 aku rase.. aku dh dpt ape yg aku nak, tho i noe its not damnly prfect as how i wish..
yela, aku pon byk kekurangannye, so i dun expect things to be zero-flaw-ed.

"When Allah wants good for someone, He makes them aware of their faults" -status jemma kt fb td.

bile terbace je, suddenly aku reflect my life.
i admit, i did lots of mistakes.. when i look back to my old life, aku rs besalah sgt to my parents, especially mom.
ofkos, she will feel sad if she knows who i was. im bad. worst. [mom, im sorry..but i dun have courage to say sorry to u,dlm ati je la..]

now, i think.. i have gone thru the balasan as a price i shud pay for my past wrongdoings..
berat sgt.. deadly painful. semoga dgn ape yg aku dpt ni, will give me a deep determination to change.
Thanx God, u brings me to the r8 path again.. after i had walked away from ur true suruhan. lalai dgn keindahan dunia dan keseronokan teenage life yang aku sndri dah xnak ingat pasal zaman tu..
U give me someone, who can lead.. n never ruin my life.
ak pnah dgr org cakap.. [i dont know whether this is hadis or ayat quran or...]
'pompuan yg baik utk laki yg baik, n.. vice-versa'
so... i start questioning myself,
"is dat person btol2 utk aku or the person is just someone who being sent by God utk membetulkan aku??
that person is so much better than me in terms of religious things n brain n etc. tp aku? i have nothing except my flaws"
m really really really appreciate .. but m also ready n understand if someday i might loose it for i noe where did i stand n who i was.. years ago.
penyesalan hari ni bukan bermaksud penyucian dr kisah2 dulu.. those past stories are stil be part of me. sigh.
tp ak xpnah nyesal dgn sume tu.. sbb,
kalo bukan sbb cerita dulu, xkan ade cerita sekarang..
they made me stronger n tougher.
n the most important is.. they taught me how to improve life.
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.tp bukan semudah tu utk aku 100% tinggalkan sheni yg dulu.
i dun have enuf strength n support to be the new me.
pantai yg gah pon akan berubah kalo asek dipukul ombak besar.. haaa,itulah analoginye.[cecey~]
....zzZZzz..
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tp ape pon yg jd,
sumenye ade hikmah.
kdg2 aku dh penat fikir, n i come to a conclusion..' bia je la ape nk jd, aku follow je the flow'
sbb aku pcaye dgn kata2 mama,
'xkan selamanya kita nk susah.. akan smpai masanya kita rasa senang'.. [ma, i ♥ u]

....
dah la,penat aku merepek.
babai. nk tdo.