May 4, 2011

i shud stay away dr bende2 yg menyakitkan hati.

while others are busy and so excited telling stories about their experience in school.. and so nervous+excited to know the exam result today, i am still feeling. bile tgk fb je.. sume org wat status pasal ROS, pasal exam, etc.
sume org ckp pasal good things.
"alhamdulillah.. " - it means u have good result.
"nice teachers, nice staffs,..." -it means u r happy with the school.
im happy for my friends :)

tp aku, tetap.. no feeling.
result exam? lebih kurang je ngn sem2 lepas.
experience in school? biase je.. nothing interesting.
[mmg dasar hati kering!]

as i browse thru to see my friends on9,
i came across something dat really annoy me.
nk ckp accidentally saw it, xjugak.sbb aku mmg bukak web tu.
nk ckp sengaja.. x jugak. sbb no intention pon mula2 tu. haha.masalah btol aku ni.

just wondering:
there r people who never give up bothering, disturbing, n 'busy body' bout others, while they [already] had a stable and happy 'state'. dont they feel like wanna give chances for 'the other' to also feel free n happy? mcm2 jenis btol la manusia ni. btol la org ckp, manusia ni xpnah cukop n puas ngn rezeki yg Tuhan bagi.

May 2, 2011

1st day at school..

at this moment.. im supposed to write my daily reflection as a journal to be submitted. unfortunately, im not in the mood of reflecting on what ive done today [ for journal purposes].
i arrived at school at about 7.40am this morning. went to office, met with head school n blabla..
overall, im doing nothing today. wasting my time in teacher's room, texting friends [asking what they did, and what i was supposed to do], pretending to be busy looking at some papers in file, n listening to teachers gossiping about the very-fierce head school.

brrr.. i was so bored. bewildered.
n i just dont like every single thing i did today. huhu.

while wasting hours waiting for the bell to ring as a sign of 'now, u can go home n forget the school'..
i was contemplating of leaving this field. completing the period mentioned in the agreement bet me n the gov, n continue my journey to other field.. how bad i am, i feel so damn bad with myself.
"why am i here?"
"how im gonna handle my life? this is the environment and place i have to live to the fullest.. [supposedly la..]"
"when will i love this job? as how others do"
sobsob. n i hate myself too.. :(

O,my Lord..
show me the right path. guide me to the right decision.
so that im not ruining the future of small innocent children,
who go to school together with the parents' hope,
who dream to be great people in the future,
who hungry for knowledge.
otherwise, plant the tree of spirit and enthusiasm in me.
so that i'll be sincere in doing this job... amin~

sharini.. please la. help urself. this is going to be a great experience and opportunity, grab it! being a teacher is the best choice for u.mulia jadi cikgu ni..
[console myself untuk ke sekian kalinya]
tp ape2 pon, aku rasa aku dah byk make effort today. effort utk meminatkan diri. yeah, go shimuk! ........................ fullstop.

Apr 20, 2011

because you are everything to me..

right after having tea, i heard a beep, "1 new sms" , i read it. it was about the details i need to email to the trainee college for posting.
huh. i was so lazy to think about think of where i want to work, what is my plan in the future, what's gonna happen to my driving license,blabla.

this evening, i cant stop thinking of the best place i want to be posted. at first, i was thinking of choosing any place around Kl or selangor. ive been thinking of it for a long time before. it was all because i really really want to further my study. ive been dreaming of, at least, holding a master degree., being in kl.. i have more choices and opportunities to improve my eng n have a place in good uni.

i always not-so-confident with my decision. so, i asked mom. the way she talked, i knew. she wanted mu so much to be with her. so it means, i should choose my hometown. i kinda refuse to accept the suggestion, at first.
"kalo ma,ma pilih kt sini je. yela, bile lg dik nk tinggal ngn ma.dah lame tinggal ma sorang2.xkan la skang pon nk dok jauh lg. ni pon xlama,dah kawen nt, dik dah kne follow husband.tinggal ma sorang lagi."
omaiGod,i felt like..
.... hurm. i wanna cry. so touched with her words. mmg dah lame sgt aku tinggal umah tu. since i was thirteen. its been 10years i left that house. 10years, also, i left her.

what should i do? mom's request or my dream?

hoho. it was damn difficult. yet, my heart always says that, every mom's word is magical. bak kata a friend of mine, "do sacrifice selagi diorang masih ada". yup, i agree. huhu.

status: im 70-30. in dilemma.

Apr 16, 2011

the wrong is not always bad

just came across a friend's thought and sigh
".. how many time do i have to meet the wait for the right one?"

that was a question with no answer.that was once a question in my mind too. meeting, knowing, getting close, and jump into a relationship with the wrong is a pain with no remedy,indeed. cry,tears, stress, silence will be a constant companion,later on. but, thats what human called 'bittersweet'. no one had a perfect journey of life, even a cinderella gone through hardship before she possessed a so-magical-and-wonderful shoes that made her a princess :)

in fact, meeting the wrong is not always bad. they teach us what to avoid and what to eye for in seeking for the one-meant-to-be-with. they give us the guidelines and criteria to look for in the one who can take care of us. they prove us that life is all about ups and downs. they mature us. [and they also teach woman that not all man can be trusted.haha!]

a novice in life always make wrong decisions. just like in other pc-game, after being given so many "GAME OVER"..then we build some clues and trick to win the game.. [kalo main game zombie, ntah brp kali kne makan otak.haha]

patience, constant pray, and always doing good; for a good man is meant to be with a good woman. Tuhan dah tetapkan every step and moment in our life. had crush with the wrong is like we stop by stations to ask people for direction.. and continue the journey to the destination. at the end of it, we reach at the place we planned to go [with the help of direction from people at the stations]..

dun sad, dun give up on God's try. but, move on and have the courage.
chill :)

p/s: this is just a random hard feelings ye. tata.

Apr 13, 2011

ok,now i feel scared...

while others are all zzzzzz in the house, im the only one who are so loyal to my mr.TV..
br lepas tgk drama melayu 'terlebih sudah'
a story about a mental illness man yg suke skodeng2 pompuan n obses nk jadikan awek. perghh.. menyeramkan.
psychotic men are everywhere! aku mula takot utk berkawan dgn org yg tidak dikenali skang.

tambah2 plak, wif my friend's statement,
"org2 yg nk kawan ngn ko,sumenye jenis psiko.saba je la erk shimuk..nasib ko"
terngiang2 kot ayat tu kt telinga aku masa tgk cerita td.
siyes, its a good malay drama utk di ambil lesson.
cuz i know.. many girls akan cepat cair with sweet-talkers.
even if how kind the man is.. how nice he treats u.. dun ever jump into a conclusion that : owh,laki ni baik.sesuai dijadikan future husband.
omg.. u r plainly sick!

in fact,drama ni bukan la 1st exposure aku thdap cerita2 cmni.
i did know some people who kind of.. senang sangkut ngn mamat2 yg kacak n sweettalk ni.
i just dun understand how they think.
laki[total stranger] tegur kt mall pon, hati dah berbunga2 smpai balik hostel...
laki senyum sket je.. otak mula ligat berfikir, "die suke aku ke??"
knal sehari dua,.. dah bleh close n even become a bf.

i do believe, people thinks differently.
tp plis la... be sensible and rational.huhu.

p/s: ive done mistakes.just giving advice based on experience.

Apr 10, 2011

mixed feeling - happy hols!

unconciously.. [skema plak]
i am now going out of the place of freedom.. [yet,no so freedom.but ok la if compared to the other one.brrr] and, this is gonna be my last 3months-hols throughout my undergraduate life. bubbye iium! sobsob.

in next coming 3 months (july), i WILL HAVE TO say hi to a trainee college in Malacca - i was once there.
to be exact, an all-girls-trainee-college ; here im using the concept of euphemism. haha.
nway, the only thing i miss about the college was the kindness of all ENGLISH lecturers. they are the one who had built a confidence in me, who give me kinda strength to keep moving [dedicate to mdm iswander], give me an inspiration to explore the beauty of grammar which everyone seems to hate it [dedicate to mdm low, one day i will be in ur field,insyaAllah], blabla

but, thinking of the rules and the mindset of the community in it,
siyesly.. it makes me sick.
i did wonder sometimes.. does this college was built to train people to be army? or teacher? ade sedikit confuse di situ bile mengenangkan rules nya.. huh! but i believed, there must be reasons behind it.. [sedapkan hati]

for now,
just enjoy the hols and cherish every minute i have. [dah malas nk tulis]
bye! <3

Mar 30, 2011


esOk exam.huaarghh!

side effeect dari exam:
1. makin gemok.
2. kuat tido.
3. serangan encik jerawat bertubi-tubi
4. sindrom malas bermula.
5. keinginan utk keluar beronggeng membuak-buak.