kawen??

insyaAllah.. ujong bulan depan aku akan melangsungkan majlis..~



wuuHhooo...
jangan.. main2 je tu.

skang, aku br 22yers old. agaknye, lambat lg utk aku ke alam tu..
tp bile tgk dh ramai member2 aku yg sudah bersedia n mmg dh get married pon..
aku mula terasa diri sendiri sbenarnye sudah dewasa.
tp tym tu je aku rase cmtu,.. 5minit lepas tu,aku kembali menjadi manusia normal yg bernama sheni..
yang tidak matured,
yang suke buat keje ntah pape,
yang suke merepek,
yang .. yang.. yang.. [mcm lagu kumpulan spoon plak]haha.
ya, itulah aku.

within this 3months hols ni la yg aku br perasan sume ni,
dh ramai member2 aku yg sudah melalui transformasi.. [tere x bm aku??]
~wani arazmi [classmate skang]-dah kawen on last may
~peera [ex-skolmate kt smapk]-dah kawen last year
~ainina [ex-prim skolmate] - tgh sarat pregnant
~along husnac[ex-skolmate kt smapk] - engaged just a few days ago
n ramai lg. malas ak nk list sorang2.aku bukannye pejabat kadi nk wat senarai org2 kawen.

in my family plak,
mmg tinggal aku sorang je lg yg maseh single and available.. weeweet! [ini bukan promosi]
well, ini adalah 1 bende yg xtau la aku nk ckp men'tension'kan aku ke ape..
tp tiap kali kwn2 mama or any relatives dtg umah..
soalan yg same sering kedengaran..

"yang bongsu ni.. bile nk kawen?"
"anak dara sorang ni.. dh ade boifren ke?"
"haaa..lepas ni dapat menantu org mane pulak?"
.................................. bila soalan2 seumpama ni diajukan,
aku mula menjadi sawan dpn org ramai..
pura2 gelak walopon xlawak,
dan terus melarikan diri kononye ade keje yg perlu disiapkan. haha

ak ingat lg tym form 4,
cikgu bm aku yang bernama dotdotdot [aku terluka utk menyebut namanya] ade tnya budak2 dlm class.. "nt dh besa, nk kawen umo brp?"
masa tu, majority jawap nk kawen around 26-28..
tp aku sorang je yg jawap, "sy nk kawen umo 24"
hahahaa.. gatal lebih.
tp sume tu, smpai situ je la..
xde maknenye the big day will come when i am 24 nanti..
itu kesah2 zaman remajaku. ngeh3.

haih,ape la nk jd ngn mas sharini ni...
merepek smpai ke sudah.

a monologue

ape yg aku nak sbenarnye??
aku nak idop dgn aman damai, tenang.. dan gembira dgn ape yg aku ade skang.
kdg2 aku rase.. aku dh dpt ape yg aku nak, tho i noe its not damnly prfect as how i wish..
yela, aku pon byk kekurangannye, so i dun expect things to be zero-flaw-ed.

"When Allah wants good for someone, He makes them aware of their faults" -status jemma kt fb td.

bile terbace je, suddenly aku reflect my life.
i admit, i did lots of mistakes.. when i look back to my old life, aku rs besalah sgt to my parents, especially mom.
ofkos, she will feel sad if she knows who i was. im bad. worst. [mom, im sorry..but i dun have courage to say sorry to u,dlm ati je la..]

now, i think.. i have gone thru the balasan as a price i shud pay for my past wrongdoings..
berat sgt.. deadly painful. semoga dgn ape yg aku dpt ni, will give me a deep determination to change.
Thanx God, u brings me to the r8 path again.. after i had walked away from ur true suruhan. lalai dgn keindahan dunia dan keseronokan teenage life yang aku sndri dah xnak ingat pasal zaman tu..
U give me someone, who can lead.. n never ruin my life.
ak pnah dgr org cakap.. [i dont know whether this is hadis or ayat quran or...]
'pompuan yg baik utk laki yg baik, n.. vice-versa'
so... i start questioning myself,
"is dat person btol2 utk aku or the person is just someone who being sent by God utk membetulkan aku??
that person is so much better than me in terms of religious things n brain n etc. tp aku? i have nothing except my flaws"
m really really really appreciate .. but m also ready n understand if someday i might loose it for i noe where did i stand n who i was.. years ago.
penyesalan hari ni bukan bermaksud penyucian dr kisah2 dulu.. those past stories are stil be part of me. sigh.
tp ak xpnah nyesal dgn sume tu.. sbb,
kalo bukan sbb cerita dulu, xkan ade cerita sekarang..
they made me stronger n tougher.
n the most important is.. they taught me how to improve life.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.tp bukan semudah tu utk aku 100% tinggalkan sheni yg dulu.
i dun have enuf strength n support to be the new me.
pantai yg gah pon akan berubah kalo asek dipukul ombak besar.. haaa,itulah analoginye.[cecey~]
....zzZZzz..
.
.
.
.
.
tp ape pon yg jd,
sumenye ade hikmah.
kdg2 aku dh penat fikir, n i come to a conclusion..' bia je la ape nk jd, aku follow je the flow'
sbb aku pcaye dgn kata2 mama,
'xkan selamanya kita nk susah.. akan smpai masanya kita rasa senang'.. [ma, i ♥ u]

....
dah la,penat aku merepek.
babai. nk tdo.

inilah jadinya bila aku bosan...

..... aku akan jd obses pada diri sendiri. haha.

oOoooo..yeah~
[sambil menari2, tanda kegembiraan]

ntah n ntah.,

............brr...

.................................brr........

............................................................................................. shimuk,
.........................sila berfikiran waras.........



[smbil mengingat balik kata2 nasihat dr kawan2 ...
..........................................................................................................................
.................................................................... aku blurr................

ntah lg..

omg..
ak xnak jd hati tisu lg..

ntah.

mula2 td, ingatkan nk menjawap soalan 'tag'..
tp terbengkalai plak, esok2 la.huhu

something is haunting my mind,
owh.. owh.. owh..
dah la smbil mendengar lagu sadis di blog shoppingsayang [izi yg bg link], mcm kene plak.bedebuk kt muke sndri.
arghH!
tidak.. shimuk gagah.

........ [no title] :)

"sexy’s my name, yeah sexy is my name"





chop! bukan aku yg cakap tu.. :)
jgn..
unless tu kata2 separa sedar aku.haha.

nothing, just sgt bosan skang.
n tgh layan lagu mizz nina-what you waiting for.

gonna off to kl tomorrow.
its been long time, m missing my lil nieces there.
'tunggu asyi datang eh' :)
k, fullstop here.

dialog 'menyengit'

'menyengit'? haha.
td tenampak someone gune word menyengit kt status fb, ak xtau pon exact meaning die, tp agak2nye.. bleh paham ape yg nk dimaksudkan.

slame 22taon ak idop, mmg byk dialog 'menyengit' yg org bg kt aku.. dan, maybe akan ak ingat smpai bebila. yela,ape x nyer.. 'menyengit' gitu,hahaha!
ape ak merepek ni.. asek ulang word menyengit dr td.

list dialog menyengit yg ak ingat:

1. 'bg aku, kapel ni xde pape pon.so,sukati aku la nk dump sape'
[ bysomeone, forwarded to me from a fren of mine]
NB:shit la sape yg ckp tu.
well,just beliv in 'karma';what goes around comes around. once u did, double u get.

2. 'drpd dapat laki yg menyusahkan, lg baik xyah kawen'
[from someone older than me]
NB: ak xtau la ni nasihat ke ape nway. haha. tp ade jugak kebenarannye. btol2.

3. ' die tu gaya islamic. ko ni, mcm kite2 ni je.kalo pk logik, nk bezakan.. mungkin ko dijadikan sbg org utk
nk hepi2 je, tp die mmg deserve for future'
[from my fren]
NB: mmg byk kebenaran pada kata2 itu.walopon ia sgt pedih utk ditelan,tp itulah remedy yg plg mujarab.
tho kata2 itu juga hanyalah assumption, tp sgt logic what???

4. 'terimalah seseorang yg menyukai kamu kerana nilai pd dirimu, dan carilah seseorang atas
dasar tanggungjawabnye, bkn kerana paras rupa dan harta'
[from a lecturer - ustaz ungs :) ]
NB: 100% agree. tp bkn senang nk buat tuh. kne sentiasa dlm keadaan waras. kalo x, tgk yg kacak je.. caer~

5. 'stakat result cmnih.. awk blk kampung, kawen je la'
[from my teacher in smapk]
NB: fuuhh! kasar gle beb.huhu. tho ak tau spm aku ciput je, tp xperlu kot nk ckp cmtu. ak yg blom lg begelar
cikgu ni pon tau ethics berkomunikasi ngn budak2.. sigh~

byk lg sbenanye. tp penat r nk taip pjg2. stop sini.
sumenye gara2 ak come across word 'menyengit' kt status fb sape ntah td..

:)

silence

lately, a silence seems to begin...

God, what does it mean?
m so afraid of silence. for it had once become the door of
my past-dark-life...
it started with a great silence, 'middled' with tears n empty hopes, and
ended with the regret over things i've done.
that's who i WAS.

but now,
the silence from other party;a better company, i hope.
does it lead me to that world, again? dont.. i beg.
ak dah x sanggup~

n this momment,
wut can i do is.. pray for the silence to end soon.
whether a good or bad exit, i will embrace it..
better still.. than living in in-between.

crap.

saje gedik nk letak gamba.bajet cun gle. mwahaha!

its bad, yet not so bad.

just a quick update,again..
bit bz with so many things going on lately..

since a few days, m not in a good health,nway.
flu.. fever.. headache.. bloated-condition.. unable to breathe well.. n blabla.

woke up this morning,
things seemed to get worse, y?
suddenly a person's name just cross me mind.
the name dat i tried so damn hard to forget it,.. to stay away..
all i want is just the frenship that we had once shared.. mere frenship.
for i know very well, it is deadly impossible for things to go back to its old place.

so please.. please..
my dear weird-and-unwanted-feelings,
get out of my comfort zone.

"sometimes, i do feel that Alzheimer also has its benefit,
it will help me to get rid of those memories"............... sigh.

my revealed stories.. ;) sOoo bongok2 je..

since i've nothing to do tonite,.. my mind mule la bekeliaran, mengimbau kembali kesah2 lame sepanjang ak bergelar 'single' for 4 years ;) ......................winkwink*

in this 4 years, i got to know lots of guys nway.but they r all... haha. i've no words to describe them. skali pk mcm lawak, skali pk mcm agak kurang bijak pon ade gak.bukan saje nk main tuduh2, but
...erm,ok let me stori-mori here,

1. A guy i knew from TESL camp-during 2nd year foundation
kitorng start close tym treasure hunt actvt.he managed to get my num from a fren of mine from other college.so.. ade la contact2 sket.bg ak we r fren ONLY.there was a day he did the confession, the proposal la i mean. well,i used to share this story with my deskmate at that tym for she also knew him.n guess wut??? he did the same thing, the confession n proposal, to her n also to my other coursemate at the same time. kalo ye pon saudara ni player, bia la berpada2. 3 org skali, dh la ketiga2nya coursemate yg close. skali ingat,lawak plak mamat nih.. nk sapu ramai2 pon,cr la yg college berlainan.ni siap deskmate ak sndiri plak tu. thank God,ak mmg xske die dr awal.

2. A guy i knew when i worked at a pharmacy in PJ
he was a supervisor at Famos Amos.erm, ok la.. not bad looking.but he was at the same age with my sis, so definitely wont be my special. he was kind to me, slalu bg cookies free.. cake free.. a good brother,i called. but people around used to call-us-as-an-item.so he did act like one.but one day, konon2nye nk sorok dr aku la, dating with other girl bwh escalator dowh..!ble ak tenampak je, buat2 tutop muke konon tgh garu2 kt muke la.. nk cover,xnak bg ak nmpak. haha. garu la bang ye, garu2.. garu smpai tecabut kulit muke tu.

3. A guy i knew from a social networking
i never beliv people i knew from this online thingy.but since he was a fren of my fren, so i put some trust on him at first.n we got to be fren n close n closer by time.noted, we r fren.. not more than dat.. its not dat easy to get into other stage [thank God for dat]. since ak knal die, byk sgt sms2 yg die tesalah send kt hp ak.tp i keep silent, .. antaranya yg masih ak ingat,
~ hai, yati.. dh makan blom ne? abg rindu la...
~alala, jgn la cmni.abg syg shila tau...
~dah2, jgn cedey2 lg.. abg syg wati sgt. muahxx...
haha.lawak siOt mamat nih.there was once ak tnya die, sape 'yati" tu? n jawapan die..
"ow,sori2.. nk tulis name sheni td,tp tesalah tulis yati"
haha, bapak penipu la! jaoh bebenor name yati ngan sheni tuh..
dah la sume sms yg tesalah tu,jijik2 belaka.. bagus gak sume tu tak ditujukan untk aku.

4. An unknown guy who suddenly add my ym
ramai je yg tidak dikenali, but this one is the most interesting. haha!
ym nye begini:
.......................................[hanya part yg mahu dihighligt je disiarkan disini].........
die: sy xleh la tgk muke awk.
ak : huh? knape??
die:muke awk same sgt dgn org yg plg sy syg [gf].. tp skang sy dh xde die.
ak :owh.. same sgt ke? muke je same, tp org lain2. awk dh xde die??
die: aah, die dh pergi buat selamanya awk.. sy sdih sgt.
ak :sori2.. sy ingatkan die tinggalkan awk.huhu.. xpela, nk wat cmne.. doakan die~
die:sbb tu sy xleh tgk muke awk kt fb.sy jd ingat kt die.bleh x awk jd pengganti die?
ak : kte kwn2 la ye.. [serba salah aku plak aku]

esoknye..
ak : buzz!
die:hai, erm.. sape erk ni?
ak :ntah la, saje je main buzz2..
die: siyes la. maaf sgt kalo sy lupe sape awk.tp sy btol2 xtau. sape ye?

haha.smlm bukan main ckp muke ak mcm arwah awek, tetbe esoknye dh xknal aku.kantoi menipu kering2! kalo btol la aku mcm muke arwah aweknye, significant gile kot.. xkan dh lupe.
p/s:kepada rakan2 ku, jejaka ini dikenali sbg 'hOOoliau!' dikalangan kite.korang pon ade fb die.

ramai lg manusia2 yg ak pnah knal n berperangai aneh2 ni.
tp penat la nk taip pjg2.
tgk la,kalo rajin, ade la sambungannye.
kalo malas, xde la jawapnye. :)

saje-saje

gambar hanya sekadar hiasan.
[bajet menarik je muke aku,nk jadikan hiasan.haha]

xtau nk tulis ape..
tp rs nk update gak blog ni, sbb bosan n have nothing to do.

life skang,
not bad la.. dh xterasa sgt kebosannye
sbb ak dh jumpe 1 hobi br yg bleh la dianggap berfaedah..
'manjahit manik n berlian pada pakaian sendiri mahupun dijual'.tp sendiri nye br 1 je yg dh bejaya,
ak ske buat je, sndiri pkai xminat sgt.

erm, since long hols ni gak
ak dh start memegang kuali dan periuk..
'memegang'? well, indirectly .. nk ckp ak dh start try2 masak la.
so far, ade la a few yg dah ok..
[feel so proud, sbb b4 this goreng telur pon xbrape nk lulus sgt]haha. dasyat gle pompuan.ish3.

ak gak,
menjadi seorang peniaga yg berjaya
yela, everyday ak je yg jaga kadai mama.
byk gak la improve communication skills ngan makcik2 ni..
senang la nt nk sembang2 ngn bakal mak mertua.haha!
[ish2,sharini ni.. kecik2 lg dah gatal]

erm, ape lg erk..

kalo bad things plak,
cuti2 ni sgt susah nk mendapat bekalan alat kecantikan.
moisturizerku sudah out of supply la..
hanya mengharapkan jasa baik kakakku untuk mengepos bekalan baru dr ibukota.

finally i put the needle down.. n called it 'finish!'

in less than 24hours, i managed to finish my-first-handmade-bead embroidery.at first i thought of doing something heavy, i mean heavy embroidery..like a dress of a bride on their big day. but, with mom's advice..
i decided to make a simple one, so dat it is acceptable to go to any occasion.

bak kata mama,
"xyah la byk2 sgt.. nt nmpak mcm org tua.
youngers kne pkai yg simple2 je.." - yeah,i agree with it.

so, this what i managed to do on my dress..

white+apple green

s.I.m.p.L.e je~

while still in progress

finished!

well, its not dat great,
but ok la for the first timer like me,kan?
;)

oOps, someone asked me for credits!


so,here it goes;
to eyzey daleyla, tengkiu la banyok2 atas "sokongan padu" mu ye.
"bunga-bunga cinta"?? "bunga-bunga sakura"??
Oooowh.. ak maseh xleh menerima kenyataan itu.
omputih kato, 'culture shock' gitu. haha.

... wait,k!

nothing much to say,
just,
um..... im doing something very contrast,
i mean, sgt contra dgn my characteristics.. :)

guess wut????

im creating a kind of bead embroidery on my dress!
make it looks like a wedding dress,maybe.. haha.
ntah cmne ak tetibak plak minat bendalah cmni.. kalo dulu, sluar koyak pon mcna yg jahitkan. haha!


so, wait for next entry..
i'll show my first-handmade-bead embroidery! auwW..

[feelin so feminin.. ahakx!]