muhasabah diri.. [ececeyh..]

jam kt laptop ak skang : 1213am.
ak sorang je yg tinggal skang,yg len dlm umah ni sumenye telah selamat dihanyut mimpi..

dikala sunyi2 cm ni,
ak slalu tepk.. "cmne erk aku 10thn nt? or bile dh abes blaja nt? or somewhere in d future?"
kdg2 ak terpk bende +ve.. tp slalunye, -ve..
well,yeah.. im a -ve thinker. i admit it.

sometime,ak rs.. 20 or 30 thn nt tu, adalah masa yg sgt lame utk ak masih wujud kt dunia ni..
ak tau, ajal sume tu... di tangan Tuhan,tp.. memandangkan kesihatan ak yg agak xmenentu skang, ak rs..... [astaghfirullah~........bia la Dia yg tentukan sumenye~] amal blom cukop, dosa mnggunung-ganang.. huuuu.

ble pk pasal plajaran plak,
alhamdulillah,ak hepi la ngan ape yg aku achieve skang, thou blom btol2 satisfied.
walopon pd asalnye ak xske course ni, but i keep thinking dat.. mom has reasons for dat; for forcing[not relli forcing la, tp sgt sgt sgt encourage] me to take the course yg ak blaja skang..

ble pk pasal future, i mean "future" la..
no comment~
since wut i've been thru dlu, ak dh takot to put a final say for dat.
maybe ape yg ak ade skang is the forever 1, or maybe not.. God knows~
thou i seem much better now, but...
yeah,it's like.. an analogy:
u have injured for years ago. the pain is now gone, but the deep scars are stil there. n dat will forever remind u of that injured everytym u see it.. kan? unless u found a magic and super duper powerful remedy to fade the scars la...
hope, i found the remedy..

k, gonna put fullstop ere..
sorry everybody 4 everything,
if 1 day im not ere anymore, just remember dat,.
i've been someone u knew in ur lyf...
as a fren
as a girlfren
as an ex
as a daughter
as a relative
as a human....... dat never be apart with mistakes n flaws

nite, dear people..

keajaiban

temasuk kali ni, baru 2x ak on9 kt umah..
fuhh!
terasa sgt ajaib apabila rumahku mendapat talian internet yg laju.
b4 this,bkn stakat line internet.. line tepon pon kne ak kne search smpai ke setiap cerok umah..
kalo nk send mms,
ibaratnye.. ak kne panjat bumbung umah br la mms tu dpt di'send.
tp skang, segalanya dihujung jari.. Ceyh!
[blagak btol ak ni]~~

semoga kemajuan di bandaraya Machangster ni akan berterusan.
p.o.y.o je~

tp yang penting, skang ni..

ak rs sgt aneh.. dr manakah dtgnye punca talian internet ni,tetibak je ade.. laju plak tu,lg laju dr kete lembu.. wahaha!kini, mataku mampu melihat dunia!

buah nam nam

sepanjang idop aku selama 22taon ni,
br smlm,ak tau wujudnye name sejenis buah "nam nam".
slame ni, ak panggil "buoh katok puru"..sbb rupenye seakan2 katak,
hasil drpd pembelajaran dgn ibuku dan masyarakat setempat.

makcik ak; a retired teacher, dtg umah..
kitorang pon,jemput la die ke dapur, makan2..
dikala tgh sembang2, tibe2 die bersuara padaku, "dik,tlg amek buah nam nam kt atas meja tu.."
aku yg mmg terkenal sbg sorang yg blur.. kini menunjukkan ciri2 keblurran ku yg sebenar.

"buah nam nam???" dgn dahi yg berkerut2..
"tu la,buoh katok puru tu.name standard bm dio buah nam nam.dik xtau ko?"

"hahahahaa.. la,yeke.. xpnah tau pon. haha.."..

rs bangga lak, sbb tau name buah nam nam.

ak sure,org len pon rmai gak yg xtau name buah ni dlm bm standard. or even, xpnah tau pon kewujudan buah ni. hehee~

inilah buah nam nam a.k.a buah katak puru..
hahahaaa!

,,, miss-ing.

i wish u can hear my heart screaming..
"i miss you!"
..crossing the oceans.

suddenly,
crazy for this song.haha
funhouse by pink

n.e.w.b.o.r.n

he is just so innocent..

... is she a good fren of mine?

just went back from pejabat tanah,
uruskan harta pusaka nenek.. it was so damn bored,waiting for the turn.huh!

rite after blk dr tmpat tu,
ak tros on9,n as usual.. fesbuk+blog+blabla.

suddenly i came across blogs,
n read theirs.
ak mula rase ragu2 thdap some1 ni..hish!
kalo btol la ape yg ak rs ni, she is the .....................................................eva!

dulu,dah ade sorang member ni,pesan kt aku,
beware dgn org ni,but.. i simply ignore wut she said,just because i think.. everything is ok.
but now, i know im wrong..
wrong to give a good judge to her.
thou things are not clear yet,
but a big portion of trust is now...... g.o.n.e.

thanx to d person,
yg pnah bg advice kt ak~ thou im out of the limit u ask me to stay,
at least,ur words make me realised...... i m beyond the safe wall.
now,i can see.. the truth of ur advices..

:)

woke up this morning,i felt much better..
no more nitemare, no more strange feeling.

today,
kehidupanku rs seperti sorang surirumah berjaya.
take care of my nephew n niece,
feed them,
bath them,
make drinks n some kueh for guests
n
put on new curtain in rooms.

n now,
m trying to finish all the novels yg dah lame tertunggak.
1. eclipse
2.breaking dawn
3.why men dont listen and women cant read maps
4.does my bum look big in this??
5.pretty little liars
6. ttfn
7.like a flowing river
8.... my old collection of reader's digest

m looking for new entry of
1.prevention
2.other version of twilight
3. diary-like novels.

a strange nite

the same goes on other days,
after praying magrib yesterday, i did some exercise.
some indoor activities, just to make myself sweaty;its healthy.

right after exercising, i went to the hall for i heard the voices of my relatives visiting my house.
while i was chitchatting with them, i found something strange happened to me.
my heart beat so fast, ever!
siyesly, i never felt dat way b4..i tried to calm n relax.. for i assumed,dats maybe due to the exercise i did just now.
but,nothing change..

the beat continued until i felt so tired, n.. i shivered.
i took bath n pray isyak.since the beat became faster n faster.. i recited the Yassin.
thank God,its better..

later, i was on the phone with a 'fren'.. chitchat,joking,blabla..as usual, as how i used to..
the clock showed, 11.55pm.
i wasnt sleepy,yet. so i read my fav magazine; Prevention while listening to mp3.

as time almost 1am,i went to bed because i worried not being able to get up early on the next day.
at that moment,my heart beat fast..again.faster n faster n faster.. dubbdabbdubbdabb!
as i tried to close my eyes, i saw an image of a big snake!
i knew,it was in my head. not the real snake. but it happened everytime i tried to sleep.

"knape ni? ape maksud sume ni??"-still wondering~
ular tu,as if.. mahu mematuk diriku. oOwh..

the snake was definitely like this, how it opened the mouth.. n the size is almost

i tried, n tried again to sleep..
n lastly,............................................................ i did not sleep since last night until now.
so,
i m writing this, not writing actually..but typing.. with my head feeling so dizzzzzZZZzzyy..

this is me,rite this moment...
like a walking zombie

c.o.n.f.u.s.e? its me.

people use to say,"life is fair,what goes around comes around"
n yeah,i do believe in it too..

but,sometimes.. i found life dat im goin thru now, dun work dat way.
mungkin i stil cant see the reasons hidden, n maybe jugak..
this is the price i shud pay for all my past wrongdoings.
tp,
"knape susah sgt ak nk gumbira cm org lain?".. dats the question.



now, i simply cant think.. of anything.. anything.

i am b.l.u.r.r
i am so c.o.n.f.u.s.e.d

my stand;
when family is involved, things r serious. its hard to deal wif.
n now, i can even see the dark clouds are covering the future time.
huhu


i'll owayz b sheni.

feb & march

after almost 1month ak x mengupdate blog ni,today... kebosanan yg melampau had brought me to this blog again~~

just wanna flashback things happen in 2months back;
cuz,since feb.. this blog mule tekena "aura munirah-blog tebengkalai"haha..

in feb,
actually.. nothing much happen in diz month..
i juz ver very very busy wif assignments, tests, and all d academic things.
did my routine,everyday...-pegi class..
-balik class..-kua jalan2 + makan2
-sembang2 kosong ari2.. [wajib]
so...
dats all in feb.hhuuhhhh~

in march,
yesssSss..its march! ♥ it.. why?[ march.. it always give me memories; d bitter & d sweet]
bitter memories? let time fades it..
the sweet, is always blooming in me mind..

guess wut??! i wuz gonna meet a "person"...dubb dabb dubb dabb-not relli.. haha!
well,yeah..
its been 4 years, i wasnt goin thru such moment,
wut makes it diff,
~my 1st tym goin thru it after 4 yers,
~my 1st tym making hand-made bouquet
~my 1st tym meeting the person after 6 yers..~..........................n so on.

a bouquet of chocolate in tulips

nway, i wus very unstable at this tym..
everything was so blurr.. n huh! dunno how to describe it.
its 50-50 situation...[to frens who knew it,let it became our secret!]
for now,its no more.. hikhik.

in diz march also,
m was gonna sit for e.x.a.m.... huh,
nothing much to say 'bout diz.
exam= stress + laziness + blurr + sleepy after 2pages of revising + overeating + blabla.
~dats the most accurate equation ever!

the rest,
its all about my routine...