1st day at school..

at this moment.. im supposed to write my daily reflection as a journal to be submitted. unfortunately, im not in the mood of reflecting on what ive done today [ for journal purposes].
i arrived at school at about 7.40am this morning. went to office, met with head school n blabla..
overall, im doing nothing today. wasting my time in teacher's room, texting friends [asking what they did, and what i was supposed to do], pretending to be busy looking at some papers in file, n listening to teachers gossiping about the very-fierce head school.

brrr.. i was so bored. bewildered.
n i just dont like every single thing i did today. huhu.

while wasting hours waiting for the bell to ring as a sign of 'now, u can go home n forget the school'..
i was contemplating of leaving this field. completing the period mentioned in the agreement bet me n the gov, n continue my journey to other field.. how bad i am, i feel so damn bad with myself.
"why am i here?"
"how im gonna handle my life? this is the environment and place i have to live to the fullest.. [supposedly la..]"
"when will i love this job? as how others do"
sobsob. n i hate myself too.. :(

O,my Lord..
show me the right path. guide me to the right decision.
so that im not ruining the future of small innocent children,
who go to school together with the parents' hope,
who dream to be great people in the future,
who hungry for knowledge.
otherwise, plant the tree of spirit and enthusiasm in me.
so that i'll be sincere in doing this job... amin~

PS;
sharini.. please la. help urself. this is going to be a great experience and opportunity, grab it! being a teacher is the best choice for u.mulia jadi cikgu ni..
[console myself untuk ke sekian kalinya]
tp ape2 pon, aku rasa aku dah byk make effort today. effort utk meminatkan diri. yeah, go shimuk! ........................ fullstop.